you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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