Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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