I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
