just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
