My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
