I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
