i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The air was thick with penises
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
