True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
