I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I still have a little drunk in my system
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
