So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
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You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
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I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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