i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
