The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
