If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Someone shattered a urinal.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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