if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
