yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
