I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
