I wish my penis had an off switch
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
