If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
