real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
