Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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