btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
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I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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