I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
