for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
