I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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