why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
