You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
