Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
