I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
