Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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