How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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