R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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