question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
