i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
