I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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