all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
