Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
