dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
