I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
