whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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