I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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