Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I supernannyed him into submission
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
