Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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