He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
