Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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