I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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