last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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