loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
