I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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