Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My pussy is not your playground.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
