I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
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