I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
