tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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