how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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