yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
