Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
this will be a night to untag.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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