I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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