when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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