We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she peed on how many people?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
