btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish I only lived at night.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I intend to get homeless drunk
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
