I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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