I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
