Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
