So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
