Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
