he thought i was a dude.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
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My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
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If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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