So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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