Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
