he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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