ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
two words...techno handjob
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Randomize
