I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
