I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
