I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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