I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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