if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my being single is dangerous.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
