I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
