my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
