I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
