can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
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yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
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I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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