Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
